The Quotable Gef

Gef on Gef

"I am an earthbound spirit."

"I am not a spirit. I am a little extra, extra clever mongoose."

"I am a ghost in the form of a weasel, and I shall haunt you with weird noises and clanking chains."

"I am a freak. I have hands and I have feet, and if you saw me you'd faint, you'd be petrified, mummified, turned into stone or a pillar of salt."

"I'll split the atom! I am the fifth dimension! I am the eighth wonder of the world!"

"I am not evil. I could be if I wanted. You don't know what damage or harm I could do if I were roused. I could kill you all, but I won't."

(After being asked where he would go when he died)
"To Hell, to the Land of Mist."

"If you are kind to me, I will bring you good luck. If you are not kind, I shall kill all your poultry. I can get them wherever you put them!"

"I have been to nicer homes than this. Carpets, piano, satin covers on polished tables. I am going back there. Hahaha!"

"This is my home. It suits me."

"I have three attractions. I follow Voirrey, Mam gives me food, and Jim answers my questions."

"For years, I understood all that people said, but I could not speak until you taught me."

(Upon noticing that Jim was reading the Bible)
"Look at the pious old atheist reading the Bible; he will swear in a minute!"

"Well, Jim, what about some grubbo?"

"I like Captain MacDonald, but not Harry Price. He's the man who puts the kybosh on the spirits!"

(On Captain Macdonald)
"I expect he'll want to take a walk with me next!"

(To Captain Macdonald)
"Charlie, Charlie, chuck chuck chuck! Charlie my old sport! Clear to the Devil if you don't believe!"

"Tell Arthur not to come. He doesn't believe. I won't speak if he does come. I'll blow his brains out with a thrupenny cartridge."

"He's damned well not going to get to know my inferior complex."

"Nuts! Put a sock in it! Chew coke!"

"I have three spirits, and their names are Foe, Faith and Truth."

"Put the bloody gramophone on!"

(After being asked to chase away some weazels)
"I don't want a combat and a turmoil with them!"

"Jim, I have a god-damn cough. I have a hell of a cold. You will have to get me something."

"My rectophone wasn't working"

"If you knew what I know, you'd know a hell of a lot!"

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